Building Rays of Hope
This week I hit yet another setback on my quest to be a mother. Sometimes it feels as though everyone around me is pregnant or having children, and I’m being left behind. At times it could be easy to just give up to the sadness, grief and misfortune of my own self-pity. Nevertheless, I continue to remind myself that there has to be a new day of hope.
I’ve always tried to focus on the positives in my life; I look for only the good in people. When life goes astray I sometimes hear people ask, ‘why me’? I try to ask myself ‘why not me’? Who else in this world would I rather bear this pain and heartache? How is that fair?
At times, it can be difficult to consider others who may be experiencing far worse. Gratitude does not come easy, and sometimes that gentle reminder of possibility or a new tomorrow is all we need to bring us back to reality.
Having personally dealt with multiple miscarriages I am now being faced with the likelihood of future infertility. The reality is that I may never have an opportunity to have my own child naturally. Truthfully I had never envisaged that I would face such a dilemma. But I am not alone.
Of course there have been times where I’ve looked at others starting their families, seemingly with no problems at all. But what do I know really? Everyone has their own burdens to bear, how you deal with them is an entirely different matter. Feeling envious of other’s joy only makes me feel more isolated in my own despair. It certainly doesn’t help me move forward. Ultimately, it will never provide me the child I crave for. I have to have faith that there is a way forward, and not look back.
Infertility is a disease, a condition that weighs you down and consumes every part of your physical and mental being. However, like most conditions, there is no ‘one size fits all’ approach, and often the right solution follows a series of investigations and trials. This is the road I am following today. If I am not confident and hopeful from the start, I may as well give up.
What I have learned is that there is always a way forward, always an opportunity to find a rainbow after the storm. Potentially that rainbow will arrive from a different angle, regardless, I need to keep searching for that hope, following the light and remaining optimistic about my future.
‘You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind’: a simple statement to help me work through this challenge. When there seems to be no way through the storm; I have to remind myself that there is always tomorrow, and perhaps a new perspective will bring that ray of hope I have been searching for.