He'll Do It Again

I’ve seen You move… You move the mountains. And I believe… I’ll see You do it again.

You made a way… where there was no way. And I believe… I’ll see You do it again.

I’ve been listening to this song over and over. I usually end up in tears as it amps up with this chorus.

We often hear how we need to ask God to move our mountains and we must also tell the mountains in our lives how big our God is.

He made a way, when there was no way for me in many ways throughout my lifetime. The biggest though was just over three years ago when I began the mighty faith wrestle into His waiting arms.

A wrestle that was only the result of the gift of my three. The old me would say it was when He took my three away. I suppose it is only a difference of semantics, and many could say both are true.

Five years later, I choose them as gift.

It was only in the darkness of grief and loss that I found the light, His and mine. He made a way for me to Him, when there was no way. Three lost babies and accepting life without children…only God can create such a mess. Five years out of our failed infertility journey I can say it has all been a beautiful mess – a true gift.

Because I am a daughter of the King, He loves me, I trust Him, and so I trust it.

Does it still hurt like hell? Yep.

This is the permission of The And, and it allows me to feel that sadness and the trust all at once, because therein lies my healing.

Friday my The Permission of The And TEDx talk officially hit the TEDx YouTube channel with over 9,000,000 subscribers.

And thus, comes another mountain.

Since the publication of Ever Upward, almost three years ago, the constant mountains in my life seem to be book sales, video view counts, and shares and likes. Now that both of my TEDx talks have posted, it seems like I have another gigantic mountain in front of me, to get enough YouTube views and likes to be featured on the TED website.

Except it finally feels different.

I want this bad, more views and likes means more people reached. More people reached means braver people living in this world and rewriting their stories of shame.

This is my purpose on earth – the mother He made.

But I no longer want it more than my own well-being and happiness. I no longer believe that the success of my work, paid or otherwise, has anything to do with my worthiness. I am putting it down at the foot of the cross once and for all.

I am enough and He’s got this.

No more hustling, no more begging. I will continue to do my part – creating life changing content, loving well, teaching those who are ready to receive, and finally having fun while doing it.

My belief is that it will grow.

How big? Only He knows that part.

And finally, I am going to let that be enough.

~~~

You are enough too. If you are ready to begin the work to believe this, I’d love for you to grab your brave and come do this work with me. Whether it is through my Therapy Thursday videos on Facebook or joining my Rising Ever Upward Video Course or attending a workshop or intensive, choose you, do this work, and rewrite your story.

The Heartbeat of 9 Million

The email was short and sweet,

It’s here!

Followed by the link.

A link to one of my dreams come true, the hardest work of my life, and a story of my sacred truth all there for an audience of over 9,000,000.

Whoa!

My hands shook and my heart pounded so hard and loud I could feel it pulsating throughout my whole body.

Fear and trust, excitement and surrender.

The And.

As I sent the link to everyone I know and refreshed the YouTube channel my pounding heart skipped a beat as I saw my other TEDx go live right before my eyes.

Two TEDx talks, both live, to over 9,000,000 in less than three hours.

Holy shit!

A squeal and a jump followed by an immediate hitting of my knees in gratitude and asking for protection, I felt washed over with a sense of knowing and unknowing all at once.

The And.

Here you go world, my two TEDx talks (The Permission of The And and The Donut Effect). Watch, share, give brave feedback, and share again. And, most of all, thank you.

 
 

I'm Still Here, Just Different

It has been a minute since I posted, about two months actually. Are you still here?

I am.

How are you?

I'm different...

I've spent the last two months traveling around the country offering my Rising Ever Upward workshops and intensives. Oh the stories I have...but you'll have to wait for that book to come out! I've met some incredible people, grown this tribe, visited super cool cities, and eaten my fair share of amazing food! I believe in this work more than ever and am honored to continue to offer it and live it.

I wanted to stop by with a few updates:

  1.  I booked a TEDx talk!!! Actually 2! I am speaking at TEDxDearborn October 13th and TEDxLaSierraUniversity November 10th. I will let you know if these events will be livestreamed, and of course, share once they have made the TED website!
  2. More workshops and intensives are coming soon! Make sure to check here for future dates.
  3. My next book, The Complicated Gray, is in final edits as we speak! And, I am in development for the next one too!
  4. This fall I am launching a 3 part video series based on my workshops and intensives for network marketers.

Now for the different... I have done a lot of work and growth this year, especially in changing my relationship with my pain. This has enabled me to reach more people and build what is slowly but surely becoming an empire. While my team (I have a team guys, small and mighty, yay!) and I get our barrings, especially in figuring out what this looks like starting first with a one stop, all inclusive new website, I'd love to share a series I have started on my Facebook page called #TherapyThursdaywithJustine (TT). Each week we will post a new TT video for you here. If you don't want to miss them live each Thursday, make sure to like and follow at www.facebook.com/justinebfroelker.

Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for the continued support, love, and prayers. There are really big and exciting things coming, and I can't wait to share them with my community here.

For now, here was a bonus TT (for FREE,  accountant Chad always likes to add) I did this week about judgment...

 
 

Checking Expectations to Trust Disappointment

In reality my life, especially the last few years, has had it's fair share of disappointments. You know those gut wrenching ones, the disappointments where you've worked really hard for something, wanted it so badly, invested in it in more ways than financially and totally and completely manifested and saw it happening for you?

And then you find out it isn't going to happen?

The phone calls where we received the news a few years ago that none of our embryos took has been life defining, and one would think the ultimate disappointment that braces you for all future disappointments.

But I am learning, this simply is not how life works.

Each disappointment changes us, and much like the stories of our lives, we must choose how it changes us. To help with the part we do have control over, this choice, we also must be honest with ourselves in what our expectations were.

I expected infertility treatments to work for us; not only because I believe in hope (although this definition has greatly changed since then) and thinking positively but also because, if I am honest, I thought it was owed to me. Owed because I had already had hard and struggle in my life, it was about time something great happened.

What I know for sure now, is that we are owed nothing and this way of thinking only hurts us by keeping us in scarcity.

But, I completely fell into this thinking again with this most recent disappointment.

I invested time and money in training for a TEDx talk, specifically I really wanted to speak at TEDxBoulder. My talk is brilliant. I practiced, I visualized and manifested it all; even down to what I would wear and having it completely memorized already.

I knew it was a long shot as I am not from Boulder, my topic is challenging for many and my speaking experience is not yet impressive to some.

But I risked it anyway; and here I am completely admitting I believed it was possible because it was owed to me.

Owed because I have been clawing and shouting my way out of the shamed darkness that is the current conversation that surrounds infertility, pregnancy loss and recovery. Owed because I am tired, especially tired of feeling completely ignored. Owed because my words are so needed for many and yet I cannot seem to get them heard.

Owed because I already had the hard and struggle.

And once again, this is simply not how it works or who I want to be for that matter.

Every single time I feel the pull back into the shamed darkness, that feeling that maybe I need to move on, I get the light. The light of a message from a reader of how much my words and message have helped them. The light of the weirdest miracle happening. The light of my butterflies. The light of one more submission being picked up.

The light that despite not getting what we hoped, dreamed and maybe even paid for, we still have the choice to be okay.

This is the light of it being my choice to consider it pure joy (James 1:2).

It is my choice if I want to keep these forever empty arms full of my expectations and disappointments but then they will never be open to truly receive.

Considering it pure joy means I am thankful that my forever empty arms are open enough to receive what is.

 
 

Busting My Coconut

A whim of a trip, a chance on myself and the Universe calling. Ever Upward launches in bookstores in one month and I will admit I am feeling a wash between frustrated, trying to let it be and, honestly, out of ideas. It seems like every PR and marketing thing we think of does not really pan out. It kind of feels like I just have to sit back and wait for the big break or I somehow figure out who and how much to pay for it.

One night after dinner Chad and I were having an impromptu EU business meeting, which really meant we were discussing what kind of money to spend next, where to spend it and why. In other words he was doing his usual tell me why and how it will help business jaunt and I was doing my I just feel like I am supposed to be there and I am just so frustrated with this whole process.

So really we were just being ourselves, the always working on it, complimentary married couple who also does business together.

We were specifically talking about a training for speakers in Boulder with my friend Erin Weed. Something was just telling me to be there, even though the schedule did not work at all, it was an investment and I was not able to give Chad the PowerPoint presentation as to why exactly I need to be there (read why we needed to spend the money).

Then two hours later Erin emailed me, offering a discount if I came that next week to a small group, especially because she didn't have any females. I showed Chad the email and with that spark in his eye he said, "Book the flight."

Literally right there in my inbox was magic.

 
 

I spent the better part of last week in snowy Boulder training with Erin. I trained with the most random group of people ever, and yet the exact people I was meant to meet right now. And with the help of Erin's magic, for the first time along this journey, I realized two really important things:

First, I have to get out of my own damn way. As I was sharing my story with Erin and the group and working my storyboard I was forced to look at what the real problem was. I learned that my content is good, my message important and the world actually more ready than it thinks. The only thing in the way? Myself. Actually, the fear of my own power.

Erin looked at me and said something to the effect of, "The message is ready, the world is ready and you are more ready than you are willing to admit. What are you scared of?"

 
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I spent three days in Boulder working on what I hope is a TEDx talk. I spent three days in Boulder getting to know the most diverse group of people that I can honestly say are my true friends. I spent three days in Boulder getting out of my own damn way.

And, on that last day I wrote the words, fear of my own power on a coconut. I then said goodbye to that fear, threw it against a wall, completely busting it and sent it down the river. Because, Erin and the group are right; my content is good, my message important and the world is ready. And, best yet, I am the right person to deliver it.

 
 

The second thing I learned is simply gaining a clearer picture of the love and the light I am meant to share with this world. It has already been a guiding light to this journey but what I learned last week was that it is actually the light to my journey. And simply put, but so much more than what one will read, it is the word parent.

 
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Parent.

I am a parent. Not in your traditional definition of the word. Not in how you may accept. But nevertheless, I parent. There will be much, much more to come on that front, I promise.

Because, trust me I've only just begun this parenting business.

~~~~

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